Drowning in Sorrow
The Daily Mail has an interesting article on the 9/11 widows prompted by a documentary on the subject.
Its a disturbing picture as account after account reveals lives in total turmoil.
I think its probably pretty hard for people who haven't had their lives ripped apart by something like what the 9/11 widows have gone through to understand how they feel, and perhaps more importantly, why they behave the way they do. Having experienced it myself and witnessed others who've gone through it, I can say that nothing surprises me. As the song says, "you don't know what you've got 'til its gone..."
There is this element of surprise, as it realization dawns that we have such an enormous psychic dependancy of those around us. Most people like to think of themselves as strong and independent, but when the struts that support your life are ripped away like this, you realize how unbelievably fragile we are. Our relationships are the foundations of our mental and emotional health.
It is one of the reasons I feel so strongly about the importance of family and why I tend towards an inverse philosophy--classically liberal on economic and policy issues, conservative on social issues. The invisible nature of our psychic infrastructure leads a lot of people to make wild assumptions about its strength and flexibility--no father, no problem is one such conceit that makes me shudder.
Its interesting to note that historically, the primary means of control of a conquered nation was to raze the social and familial structure. The men were killed and the woman and children were sold into slavery. The psychic devastation of having everything and everyone familiar ripped away from you leaves an empty shell--a perfect slave. Not surprisingly, the social engineers of our own generation realize that to remake society in their own image, they first have to break down the existing social order, which of course means destroying the traditional family.
The other reflection aroused in me by the article came from the excesses engaged in by some of the widows--the spending sprees, etc.. There is a temptation to attribute this to a lack of grieving, but from my own experience, people who have a big hole in their life to fill, look for all sorts of strange ways to fill it. Everything from internet obsession, alcohol and drugs, promiscuity and of course compulsive spending.
There is something very scary about all of this--something no one will discuss, probably because its not even generally recognized as a problem.
Death of a loved one is terrible under any and all circumstances, but mitigated by the existence of other close relationships. Most widows will tell you that they get an outpouring of support and condolence in the immediate aftermath of the death, which tapers off and then completely disappears after a year. This isn't that surprising, since the disruption of our more casual relationships takes correspondingly less time to recover from. Coworkers will want to share their grief for a month, buddies for six months, the accountant and lawyer--2 days to a week--leaving the widow to carry on by herself for years.
Modern western society has shifted from close relationships with extended family and life-long neighbors to increasingly temporary and casual relationships in which one may never reveal one's true self to anyone. Ex-wives and estranged children are often as close a relationship as some people ever get.
I am reminded of this by my mother, who reminds me that her generation and culture put a high premium on life-long friendships that transcend distance as well as time. She has friends that she regularly talks to and visits that have been around fifty years or more. I constrast this with neighbors of mine for eight years who recently moved. I am ashamed to admit that I haven't called or emailed them since they left. Its an out-of-sight, out-of-mind culture we live in.
The 9/11 widows elicit the observation that as a culture, we are particularly vunerable to psychic shock, particularly compared with other, more technologically primitive cultures. We have the technology to wreck wide-scale destruction on our enemies, but they are in fact much more psychically resilent and able to withstand such assaults because of close family and community ties. On the other hand, these "primitive" cultures can effect a equivilent amount of psychic damage to us with much less impressive physical assaults on our society and persons. Psychically at least, it is the Islamists who have the superior weapons.
Ultimately, the terrorists have realized something extremely important--they don't have to defeat our armies and weapon systems, they only have to defeat our psyches to create the proper slave mentality.




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The Democrats have done and said lots of things to annoy me over the years, but one of the most egregious was the assertion that our invasion of Iraq had isolated us and made us hated in the world.












