Same Newswire…

Same Picture…

But different reporters:

Poll: Americans see gloom, doom in 2007 By DARLENE SUPERVILLE, Associated Press Writer

Poll: Americans optimistic for 2007, By NANCY BENAC, Associated Press Writer

Stung by criticism over biased reporting, phantom sources, and stringers working part time at Bombs-R-Us, the Associated Press is introducing a new concept to expand their audience reach using direct marketing:

“It’s similar to the targeted ads Google uses based on a readers internet viewing trends” said Jamil Hussein AP’s Baghdad Bureau Ghost writer.

“We figured by repackaging the same news for different audiences we can reclaim market share we were losing by sticking to one view point.”

“We’ve also lost significant manufacturing capability due to losses in the whole cloth industry. The direct marketing approach will help stretch the appeal of the remaining stories we are able to produce."

After fully developing the direct marketing approach, the AP intends to expand into the fertilizer industry

“Forget talking to plants, you should see how fast they grew when we dumped a few of our stories on them” remarked Hussein.